Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
