youre lurking in front of me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
