He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize