I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
