Screwed.edu
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
