I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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