Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
