I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
