I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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