You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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