Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize