I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
