you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
