Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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