Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
