I skipped work to stalk him.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
