How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
