The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
