How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
