I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
