Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
