your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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