She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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