Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
