never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
