My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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