You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
