she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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