Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thus making me awesome and them whores
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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