You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
