Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
