he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
