so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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