did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize