i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My life is pants optional.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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