I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Are we still banned from the library?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
