that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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