By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
