Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
