hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
