doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize