Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
