how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
