Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
