I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
