I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
