What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
