Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Please don't give away my fajitas
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
