I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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