she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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