I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
