Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
