I don't usually arrange sex via text message
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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