think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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