worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
