Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My friends, they love my intelligence
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
