im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
