Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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