My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
