Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize