girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
