I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why do cheetos always look like penises
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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