yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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