talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the liver wants what the liver wants
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
