Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
