isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
