It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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