I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
