she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
