I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
