Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
