Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
