He kissed a someone with a penis
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
