your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
