since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
