this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
